Body Image Blues

Lately, I have been feeling shame, embarrassment, sadness, and grief for the part of myself that hates my body. Yes, I have major Body Image Blues.

At age 12, I started majorly restricting my food intake. By 13, I was throwing up after meals. I used to exercise until I nearly collapsed from exhaustion and a lack of fuel. I hated my body, but mostly, it was a physical manifestation of hating myself.

I am sick and tired of hating myself… because let’s face it.

Our body is our self.

I cried in meditation this morning, and I have tears as I write this. I cry for my teenage-self who was trying so hard to survive and trying so hard to hide the pain she was experiencing.

On my decade long journey of healing from trauma and cultivating self-love, I have shifted and changed my relationship with my body, and thankfully, have come a long way from those teen years.  

But I don’t want to settle for a life where I semi-love part of myself; I want to love the fuck out of all of myself, and that includes my body!

So I am trying.

I won’t give up.

And I won’t let my teenage self be alone in her pain anymore.

 Stay tuned to see how the process unfolds…