Let's Talk about Talking: Part II

About 10 years ago I needed some real help. I was not showing up to any of my relationships in the way I wanted. The truth is, I was causing a lot of problems. If something bothered me, I would bottle it up, then slowly, it started to “leak out”.

Basically this meant I was passive aggressive; I gave the silent treatment, was irritated, snappy, withheld affection, and affirmed “I’m fine” with my arms crossed, until I was blue in the face.

This would play out for days until the pressure became so great, that fiery words and tears exploded out of me like lava from a volcano.

Now, this style of communicating wasn’t what I wanted to do. I knew it wasn’t the best way for me to interact with loved ones, it just happened. It happened because I never learned how, or felt safe enough, expressing my thoughts and feelings.

I also did this because I wasn’t in touch with what was truly going on inside me.

How could I communicate what I felt if I, myself, didn’t know?

After attending a personal growth training with the Authentic Leadership Center, I was able to get clear on that actual facts of situation, the feelings I was feeling, and the story I was telling myself.

I learned, we all tell ourselves stories, in our head, that are often not true.

Think about when you’re texting with someone and all of a sudden they don’t text back. *Gasp* How many stories flood our minds?! The stories range from “they hate me”, to “I did something wrong?”, to “they died!”

Honestly, how many times has the story been correct?

So start asking yourself, “What is the story I am telling myself?” and watch how seamlessly your self-awareness, your thoughts and your emotions start to shift. Notice the false story around your partner “purposefully” doing that thing you hate. Notice the story around not feeling good enough to get the job you want. Notice the story that arises from one off-handed comment at work and how, now, you think you’ll lose your job.

We all tell ourselves stories nearly every moment of everyday.

Wouldn’t it be worth investigating to see if those stories are actually true?