Ram Das Was Right About Family

Have you ever heard the Ram Das quote, “If you think you’re enlightened, go spend a week with your family"? 

Boy, do I feel that one.

In this week’s Peeking Behind the Curtain, the question being asked is this: what strategies did you implement to work through this trauma, and did you have to walk away from your family in order to heal?

I’ll answer the second part first.

In short, I left two days after high school graduation and didn’t go back to my hometown, except for a handful of times, for five and a half years. 

So ya, I took some space. But not from everyone.

Some family members were very supportive and close to me. Others, not so much. 

I’ve never done family therapy, and I’ve only had one conversation with a family member in the presence of a therapist.

In some ways, that made the healing journey lonely and isolating.

Like I was doing all this work about my family, without my family. And without the space to really share with them all that I was learning. 

And yet, I needed that. 

I needed less contact with certain people so I could sort through my feelings, get clear on boundaries, release anger and hurt, and then return more open to the connection.

That space was medicine. 🌿

I also needed to practice using my voice with others, so that when I was ready to try it out with family members, I’d feel more comfortable speaking my truth.

And looking back, those moments where I fully expressed myself to my mom in a healthy way, or let myself actually break down and cry in front of my dad, were deeply healing too.

They just looked different than what we typically think “the work” looks like.

In my case, my goal for healing has always been the same: better connections.

I work on myself so I can have healthier connections, period.

I’ve also had to accept that not every relationship is salvageable.

And it is not my sole responsibility to salvage it.

What I do know is this: working on ourselves is the most efficient and effective way to change family dynamics.

As for tools for healing, there's not a “one size fits all” magic pill so I’m a whole-person girl through and through.

It all started for me 15 years ago with Parts Work when I learned to befriend my Inner Critic, soothe my Inner Child, and strengthen my Adult-self.

Then yoga and breathwork to regulate my nervous system.

Energy work when I needed a different kind of cleansing.

EFT tapping to help emotions release quickly and cleanly.

Astrology for insight.

Meditation and affirmations for daily rewiring. 

Talk therapy to be witnessed and to integrate.

Mind, body, spirit. 💫

What about you? What tools have been most helpful for you on your healing journey?